Why New Years Resolutions Fail & How to Set Goals That ACTUALLY WORK.
It's a well known fact, that, sadly, most New Years Resolutions last about as long as hangovers. Fortunately, with the right knowledge you can turn it around. Don't give up hope! Here are eight reasons why your previous resolutions failed, and how to fix it!
Reason 1 :You Have no Social Support.
Ever tried to diet when your spouse is not? Cringe! It's hard because we feel tempted to go back to our familiar habits when we are constantly reminded of them.
In addition, people are used to you behaving a certain way and will offer you that slice of pizza or invite you for too many pinot's. When we are changing ourselves we benefit from having a community who aspire to the same things. t's not just because we are facing the same challenges, either. When we are with a tribe of people undertaking the same task, our stone age brains motivate us by evaluating our "success" in relation to other people in competition for status and security (you may not like the idea of being competitive, but competition actually gets the job done and motivates us to push through obstacles, in a way that hanging out with people who enable or tempt us, really doesn't!) Just use competition in healthy ways, Have self compassion when you err, and do your best not to flaunt your success, rather use it as a teaching opportunity which aids others, but only if called upon.
Find an accountability buddy. Tell someone your goals and what actions you are committing to do and encourage them to hold you to it. A simple nudge like “It’ll be easier than you think, believe in yourself.” gets you through many days you wish to quit.
Encourage a friend with a similar idea to plan to do xyz at the same time.
Enter a program or group. Being a part of a tribe who are investing in the same pursuit is invaluable.
Enlist a professional. Professional coaches, trainers and therapists are worth every penny in the long run. You’ll be motivated and they’ll reflect your commitments to change back to you each session.
Reason 2: Your Goal Doesn’t Really Fit in With your Life Purpose or Values.
Do you know your life purpose? What do you value? Given it much thought? Most of us have turned around at some point in our lives and said:
“Looking back, although I invested so much energy in xyz, I wasn’t being the REAL me.”
Fix it: Figure our what is really Important to you and how you want to look back on your life.
"If I really gave zero cares about what anyone thought, what would I be doing with my life?"
"What would I want people to say about me at my funeral?"
"If I was given 12 months to live, what would I be doing with my life?"
Reason 3: You Don’t Set up a Crystal Clear Vision, Back it up With a Plan or Hold Yourself to it.
Try this instead
Create a clear vision of what you want
Determine WHY you want it
Define your future goals
Prepare a detailed Action Plan (5 year, 12 month, quarterly and monthly action steps)
Review, adapt and adjust as you go along.
Celebrate your successes and milestones.
I suggest keeping a folder or spreadsheets with your goals and plans handy for daily (or at least weekly) reference You can use this worksheet.
Reason 4: You Have No "Activation Energy."
Are you noticing that it's hard to get acting? According to Coach Mel Robbins, The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal, you have to physically move or your brain will attempt to stop you. Like hitting the snooze button, when we hesitate we get bogged down mentally.
Fix it: Mel suggests you take a breath, count 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and do it.
"You’re never going to feel like it. Motivation doesn’t just come in an instant and stay for the rest of your life. So, instead of approaching changing your life and accomplishing your bucket list like a huge task, you must start thinking about the small changes you make, every day, that make life-altering positive differences over time." Decide you're just going to do five minutes on the task you were avoiding. Research shows that most of the time you'll commit to five inutes with less menatl resistance and most of the time, you'll get into a flow and keep going. Awesome!
Reason 5: You Have a Reason Why Part of You Doesn't Want to Reach Your Goal and You Sabotage Yourself. (Even though you also really want it.)
Our subconscious minds actually determine more of our behaviours than we realise. Some examples of a sabotaging belief system are:
" I don't want to lose weight because I might attract unwanted sexual attention."
or "I don't want to have property because future partners will take advantage"
These may be things we have conscious awareness of, or not. These may be related back to traumas from our lifetime, or they may be genetic or societal, even. For example, you don't have to have ever been bitten in your lifetime to get that rush of panic and adrenaline when you see a snake. It's a response you adopted from others. Their job is to keep us safe, but they don't necessarily work, they often just create frustration with slow progress of our goals. We can adopt ideas about money, success, health, sex - anything really, from our ancestors, society or our own traumas which prevent us from getting what we want.
1. Work through the trauma which created the protective sabotage pattern.
2. Enlist a Kinesiologist to help you break through your fears and limitations and realise your goals.
3. Recognise and work on your family or societal belief systems which are dysfunctional to you. Kinesiology can help.
Reason 6: You Know What you Want, But You Have NO Idea WHY You Want it.
Why do you REALLY want what you want?
For what purpose?
People are often taken aback when I pose this question to them in my clinic. Generally, it’s not automatic for most people to self-enquire about their honest, deepest motivations when it comes to goal-setting, but you might be surprised by what you find.
Your answers to these questions reveal your true needs and values and therefore what SUCCESS really means to you, for example:
That last five kilos aids one persons sex life, which helps their marriage but aids another persons self esteem.
The truth of what we are trying to accomplish beneath it all is often surprising and is precisely the key we wish to identify so we can recognise what we value, what constitutes success for us (long, happy marriage, for example) and only by maintaining the connection to our highest ideals is going to motivate us to push through when we hit a roadblock, and help